Vulnerable

“She’s so vulnerable…
A china in my hand!
I could never hurt the one I love,
She’s all I got
She’s so vulnerable…”

I never put myself weak, I can never accept that – the first time my father hit me with a nailed-stick, I watched the whole family cried, I could see my mother’s pain, I understand superiority, I could have anger, pain and love (which I still dunno what those are until now!), that I own my life, realize that am dependable – eventually, nothing that I express is the real thing – not that am a liar! Am friends with the evil in me, I keep on throwing questions and none answers I get – sucks :p
I never felt so out of place… people say so constantly! “What’s wrong?” is it true what my friends said that I am a robot? That I have a frozen iced-rock heart? I never cry and feel pain? (how come…) I never look really-really feel ANYTHING? (is it so…)
I fell, bleed, felt mad and sad – constantly like anybody else – but I never think that any one would care, so what for to share it anyway?
Why is it so confused? I am just trying to survive – this is how I am doing it – why don’t u ask yourself, why do u get blank and selfish because of love, you cant read what’s meant – which’s never written? All I know, life’s not always about love but there will be logic, sacrifices, hopes and a whole lot more concept of happiness in each and every individuals.
Say, what is love? I used to think love was like brownies – my favorite cake – but how come I see those people having love is like having simalakama fruit stuck in their throats! What’s with you guys? Cat got ur tongue?
I cant stand where the television keep on rolling movies demanding love-story pretty much with scrambled-eggs attitude, my best-friend keep saying that she wants to have a guy, my brother who’s busy with his girl-friend, while all I have in mind is work…work… work… and money! It’s not that I am not NORMAL… REALLY!? But in the mean time, I feel like I need to loosen up and understand myself more than before – which I consider previous catastrophe was all mistaken caused by misunderstanding and I am STUPID if I let that happens again in my life.
Please, don’t be confused of me.
All I know about love now, is that, love is RALF;) I realize when my hand hurts, I cry, feel exhausted, angry, need someone to share a story – he’s attentive and adores me! He never complains and sues anything, be irresponsible and mad, or even thinks of leaving me. But then again, he’s too good to be true – he’s just a DOLL :’/