MISTAKES

“Sayang kau ada di mana? Aku butuh tuk tepiskan rindu… mungkinkah kau di sana rasakan hal yang sama? Sepi ku rasa hatiku saat ini… jika kau di sini aku tenang…”
“Aku tak percaya lagi dengan apa yang kau beri, aku terdampar di sini tersudut menunggu mati… aku berhenti berharap menunggu datangnya gelap hingga tak kan ada lagi cinta! Aku pulang… dan terima kekalahanku…”

I learned lots about happiness, anger, sadness, longing, jealousy. Those are the feelings that I have been stored for so many unfulfilled reasons and yet never ready to confront them. Perhaps, that’s the lesson I ought to understand…
Maybe it’s not about fixing things anymore, maybe this is not only about acknowledging friends but also refreshing myself, maybe this is more than just ‘filling it up’ feelings, maybe this isn’t just about me, him and her in repeated history, maybe… maybe… this has never been a mistake – coz God’s never mistaken! And maybe… this is what supposed to happen, Gosh… now am confused on how to finish it… (or u’d say it ain’t supposed to finish – not just yet? Well then, what should I do? We do?)
I always consider making files over our deeds; they help me cope with mistakes, joy-ride, and events… most of the times I like memorizing them. Coz in life, I understand, we don’t only create well-done deeds but also curb mistakes… its how we overcome it that matters. Surely, sometimes I cant imagine the strength I have to face those dines… over laughter and cries! Maybe… am just acting STUPID ;p but, does it pay-off? Dunno… really… am just trying to SURVIVE even for nothing at all.
For those of u out there, never be worried on any evil wishes of life upon u… for it’s a mistake, no matter how long u run it’ll find u back… SO, FACE IT! Relax… everything will eventually come to an end, maybe one of those days u’ll miss it, hahaha… :D relax… I believe now, that each and every one of us has a guardian angel… still a very own human being – but his/her compassion touches ur soul deeply that u cant resist, he/she might be ur loved one or perhaps only one passes by in ur life that u can never get rid-off… he/she might occur mistakes, give u peace, let u see happiness in u and others, open up ur heart and willing to break thru by standing next to u, putting on ur nerves, losing u to the ground…perhaps u can see him/her or perhaps u never notice him/her… maybe u can only smell him/her around u – always… perhaps he/she is just an empty space… but over all, he/she is sent by God to concur u!
U can never judge what’s right or mistaken till u’r in it… drown and finally see the whole surface to find a grab… if only u’d understand! A mistake in life is never realizing any good deeds while cursing thru urself (am listening to Flanella – bila engkau… remembering that this is one of my friends’ love song). Aaarrggggghh…. Am not going to curse on myself anymore, I promise to change to be someone better – that’s my evil wish on him, too… hope that he’d understand  I grace the pain, I kiss the happiness before leaving and melt my piece to stain a memory…
Mistakes are not something to be hated, if only that’s right… my own best friend would be the 1st to hate and kill me, but she doesn’t… so, why cant I do the same to my sun? I will blame myself if u stop shining and instead burn urself while I cant do anything about it… I learn a lot more, that I need no repayment on those ‘words’ how much lovely would that be for me… the compassion is sincere, just like when God gives it to me… I want it to stay that way… hehehe, it’s just that am only human and I try to ‘punish’ u to accomplish the repayment – am so sorry, cher… ;p
Mistakes are every human being’s grounds, only God is the truth over all! May God forgive us and stay loving us thru times, amien…